1. So why self harm? The section that follows is my own personal experiences, but may be similar to experiences that others have felt. One major dominating feeling is that, as a self-harmer, I hate myself for what I have become so much that I feel that I have to punish myself for letting it happen. I feel and believe I am useless and unable to lead a normal life. I hate what I have become [A self-harmer with no great appetite for life]

2. I have been self harming since my early teens and I still cannot understand why I still want to continue the brutalization of my body.

3. I have cut Bruised and broken bones in my body, Used substances to subdue the anger and violence inside of me longer than I care to remember. I am mythed as much as anyone as to why.

4. I read through my e-mails [And sadly most of my correspondents are so young] and they are all going down the same road as I did, and sadly I still am. The same subject keeps keeps raising its ugly head [ Brutalization] in some way or another

5. Sometimes I am lost for words on how to reply, We are all looking for a magic cure that is not there. [I have not done a very good job myself, have I]

6. On the positive side, being able to share our experiences is very beneficial for both my correspondents and me.

I do not pretend to know were the magic cure lies, all I can say is this, helping others feel we are not alone or freaks of nature helps me feel that I am helping other self harmers in understanding our illness. We are not mad or bad but have wrongful guilt. It was done to us; we did not start the pain inside. We can stop self harming although I have not, as many of my correspondents will testify too. Its a long and painful road but the end can be reached. May all our futures be blessed with the world showing us its beauty.

Thank you all for making this work for me.

James Loughlin November 2002